Rejection at work can be discouraging.
Olga, a successful trial attorney in a small firm, shared the following story and strategies about overcoming an initial “no” from her boss.Read More
Ever been curious about how TED speakers get selected?
I’ve often wondered that myself, and this week, I had the pleasure of talking with members of the TED team about their goals here at TEDWomen 2017 in New Orleans.
A classic negotiation tool is to overcome the “myth of the fixed pie.” Generally speaking, if I eat a piece of pie, that’s one fewer piece you can have. Instead, we want to make a bigger pie.
Consider this example. Sadie is a scientist and Jolon is a chef, both of whom are traveling to a farm to buy rare plants. There are a finite number of plants, and each of them hopes to purchase all the plants that are available.Read More
According to the book Getting To Yes, “The reason you negotiate is to produce something better than results you can obtain without negotiating.” You want to go into the negotiation with a clear sense of what you can do if you don’t reach an agreement, in other words, what is your Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement (BATNA).
Think of your BATNA as your special invisible sidekick reminding you that you don’t have to agree to unfair or unfavorable terms in your negotiation. It serves as a reminder of when to walk away. (My BATNA definitely wears a red cape.)
October 16 was not a productive day for me. #MeToo was so pervasive, my entire Monday should’ve come with a trigger warning.
The hashtag took over my Facebook, monopolized my conversations and completely absorbed my thoughts.Read More
Melissa Gibbs has many of the markers of professional success. She’s well-respected within her male-dominated industry (construction) and outside of it. She is regularly asked to sit on boards and commissions, and I generally consider her a powerhouse in business and civic engagement.
At a recent conference speech to young professionals, Gibbs shared some of the more impressive aspects of her resume and said, “You may think I have it all together, that I have all the answers. I can see how it looks that way... I totally, absolutely, don’t. I feel like I have no idea what I’m doing most of the time."Read More
How often do you find yourself in a challenging work situation and think, “I just don’t know who I can talk to about this,” or need real time professional advice when your best friend is unavailable?Read More
If you’re using the news, popular media, or the latest episode of House of Cards as an example, good negotiators are stern, demanding, and uncompromising. However, when researchers identify the characteristics of successful negotiators those aren’t the traits that come up. Instead, top negotiators listen carefully, collaborate, and empathize with their counterparts.
If you had to associate these qualities with one gender, which would it be?Read More
There’s a cartoon that’s often referenced in the literature on professional confidence for women. In it, a woman and a man are each putting on a pair of pants that is too small. The woman’s thought bubble says, “I must be gaining weight.” The man’s says, “There must be something wrong with these pants.”
Sound familiar? We take responsibility in situations that are out of our control to a much greater degree than men. We tend to internalize a lack of information as a negative, taking responsibility for something even though it may not have had a damn thing to do with us. It’s a classic feedback trap.Read More
In an effort to get taken seriously as a young female CEO, Eileen Carey dyed her blonde hair brown, switched to more androgynous clothing and ditched contacts for thick-frame glasses.
While Carey’s change in appearance was dramatic, aspects of her story echo the decisions of women across sectors and other demographics.
Research from Harvard Medical School shows that, based only on appearance, people evaluate your competence and trustworthiness in a quarter of a second. For women who face other biases surrounding their age, race, or gender presentation, this adds another level of complexity to achieving coveted “executive presence”.Read More
When women are asked what prevents them from negotiating, the most common answer is “fear of damaging the relationship.”
Negotiation doesn’t have to be adversarial. With the right mindset, it can be quite the opposite. The authors of Getting To Yes encourage counterparts in a negotiation to “sit on the same side of the table.” They suggest that instead of thinking of two attorneys battling it out in front of a jury, imagine instead you’re judges working together on a joint opinion.Read More
Have you ever walked out of a negotiation only to immediately ask yourself, “What the hell just happened?” Both personally and professionally, there have been many times where I’ve been so concerned about the other person’s needs that I either didn’t articulate my goals or – worse yet – forgot to even consider what I wanted.
Because my heartstrings were pulled, I’ve found myself taking on client projects I actively didn’t want and that didn’t pay enough to justify the aggravation. If I had created an ideal client profile and list of deal breakers beforehand, I would have known what I was looking for (and what to avoid like the plague) with each new prospective client.
Sometimes, even with our best efforts, our negotiations won’t go how we’d like. And then what? And then we think that every future negotiation will obviously fall apart, result in a no, or generally be a torturous, unsuccessful misery fest.Read More
Twelve years ago today, my friend Julia dropped off a Winnie the Pooh coloring book, a 64-pack of Crayolas, and a note that coloring has been shown to relieve stress. Hurricane Katrina had just made landfall and meteorologists were talking about my beloved hometown becoming the lost city of Atlantis. I spent the next week in my Dallas apartment struggling to get in touch with loved ones, watching the news, crying and coloring.Read More
I am absolutely horrible at remembering people’s names. Moments after an introduction, when someone has just said their name, it’s already gone. I’ll go back and try to remember the introduction, but when I call back the memory, it goes something like this:
Me: Hi, I’m Lelia.
Mystery person: Hi, I’m [beeeeeeeeeep].
This has become such a frustrating problem that I’ve researched ways to get better at it. They haven't worked. But I did learn that one reason that it’s difficult to remember names when meeting new people is that we’re so focused on making a good impression that we forget to listen. Psychologists call this the “next-in-line effect”.
This happens all the time in negotiation. You can be so worried about what you’re going to say next or how to respond to that last point that you can forget to listen to what the other person is saying.Read More
Growing up, the local skating rink was the coolest place to celebrate your 12th birthday. Two-thirds of the way through the party, the staff (who all wore referee uniforms) would initiate a massive game of Red Light/Green Light.
To start, we would skate as fast as our prepubescent legs could carry us until a ref yelled, “Red light!”, at which point, we came to a screeching halt. The more talented among us would crouch on their skate’s brakes, poised to launch into motion at full speed at the next declaration, “Green light!”Read More
We know executive presence when we see it. It’s that feeling you get when a woman walks in poised and polished, with the presence of a leader. There’s a certain je ne sais quoi about how she carries herself, which of course, seems effortless.
We all want it, but how do we get it? Until there is a Harry Potter-style magic potion for executive presence, there’s Jennifer Lee, a director of training and development and executive presence expert.Read More
If a friend told you they wanted to set you up on a blind date with their cousin, what’s the first thing you would do? Google the cousin, right? The same should apply to someone with whom you’re negotiating. Getting to know your counterpart can help you decide how to approach the conversation based on their personality, what they value and how they like to receive information.
Let’s say you want to hire me to write branded content for your business. Through some light internet research, you would learn that the other part of my business focuses on public speaking and my best friend lives in Dallas (I write about him often). If you were asking me to decrease my contract fee, you could offer me the paid keynote at an upcoming conference or include a trip to your Dallas office to sweeten the pot and encourage me to offer a lower rate.Read More
When was the last time you negotiated?
According to researchers Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever, most women say it’s been months. Some women I’ve worked with say they’ve never negotiated. One grad student told me the last time she negotiated was with her parents – to increase her allowance over a decade ago.Read More
According to a new survey from PayScale, the advice women have been getting about sharing their salary history may be wrong. Almost universally, the recommendation has been this: don’t answer the questionRead More